Christopher annoys the crap out of me. He leaves a trail of filth and debris through the house wherever he goes. In the nine or ten hours I spend earning the money to support his sorryass existence on a typical day, he can pile every pot and pan I own into a sink-based tower held together with crusted spaghetti sauce, leave the butter on the counter to melt into a rich pool of ghee, unlock the front door and leave it that way, turn on every light in the house--I am not kidding, every damned light in the house including the one in a closet in his room that is inaccessible due to accumulated moving-back-from-the-dorm crap piled thigh-high all over the floor of his room--and leave them on, turn on the window AC unit in the dining room next to the COMPLETELY OPEN WINDOW next to it and, yes, leave that running, and then leave the house until the wee hours of the morning. Oh wait, Chris, before you go--don't forget to eat my fudgecicle! Oh good. He remembered.
So today I am at work, talking to Christopher on the telephone. Here are two things I profoundly dislike:
talking on the phone
personal calls at work
Here's Christopher's area of expertise:
talking on the phone
It's his third call of the day. This time he wants to express his disappointment over his grades for the semester. His average for the semester was 3.6 and I say that's fine, move on, get a job, etc., but he keeps talking. But what did Jennifer get, he asks. I say I don't know, mostly because I don't but also because if he wants to know he should ask Jennifer. He asks what GPA grad schools look for and I say it varies but they look at a lot of things and what the hell is he talking about grad school for and I have to GO because I am AT WORK. A lot of things? Like what things? I am getting more frustrated with every phone-borne syllable, how I hate that instrument. Jeez, Christopher all the things you always hear about: test scores, essays, recommendations, activities. Now I've really GOT to GO. Activities? He is intrigued. As if this were an entirely new notion. He's ready to explore this idea now. With me. ON THE PHONE. Like what activities does Jennifer do? Come on! You know, she was on the Earth Day committee and she did the student ambassador thing and Save the Whales or whatever. It's Jennifer. So Chris goes, "Ok, so I will be in the Capitalist Cats and the More Pollution Now Club. We can cancel each other out." Maybe you had to be there but it cracked me up.