Instead we have to deal with the line (there is always a line) at the return counter (she always has a return) and then find everything slightly wrong on her list (she always makes a list from which to deviate) or NOT find it, which is much, much worse. That means we have to hunt down a person in an orange apron and ask for the--here we move our hands around in an approximation of the object's size and shape while inchoately describing its function. This person will nod and hold a finger up, indicating that we should follow. We follow until we reach another orange-aproned person and now the three of us perform the object-seeking ritual. Occasionally, we end up finding the object. If we're lucky as hell, it will have a scannable barcode--the next hurdle is to pay for the items and that requires using the self-serve counters. No one mans a cash register at Home Depot anymore, although a benighted individual is usually floating about to gaze in wonder at stations where "assistance" has been requested.
Oh, look! Time to go. Hooray.