I don't know how to buy a bed. For a while Brian and I each had our own twin mattress and boxspring that we hitched together with a fitted sheet. This was a terrible arrangement as the fitted sheet was not up to the task. Finally I decided that for our fifth anniversary I would buy a bed. I saw one advertised as complete for $299 so I picked it up at the warehouse somewhere near Oxen Hill and opened the box in the front yard to bring it in one piece at a time. I assembled it in the bedroom, wrestled the mattress up there too and voila! we had a bed.

The bed is a box open on the top and bottom. A lip runs along the inside of the box halfway up and a set of slats rests on this lip. The slats support the mattress and a boxspring didn't come with the "complete" set, so I don't think you're supposed to have one. It was less wonderful than I thought a real bed would be, but at least no one woke up in a ditch anymore. That bed followed us from Riverdale to Takoma Park. I did get a new mattress about six years ago when the dog peed on the old one and I called 1-800-MATTRES (leave off the last S for savings!) at 3am and asked for their cheapest, fastest mattress. In less than 12 hours the new mattress was in and the soggy, stinky mattress was gone, all for $130.

Now I need a bed for the new place. Brian doesn't want to shop for a bed but he wants something nice. Something comfortable. In his whole adult life he has never owned a comfortable bed, he informed me today. I suggested that he come try out mattresses. He insisted this was ridiculous. I know what a comfortable bed feels like, I can get one. He just wants to be sure that it's nice. I stared for a while, and he got all huffy. He informed me that he has lived through several households in which he has had NO input and has NEVER been comfortable and now he SIMPLY wants a house that is comfortable. And nice. Starting with a bed. Which I should find.

I was thinking that furnishing a place from scratch would be pretty fun, but I think he may have found a way to suck the fun out. Joy vacuum.

Moreover, where does this "no input" come from? He bought all the rugs, all the chairs, all the sofas, most of the curtains ... I'm shaking my head. I guess I'll ask. I'll probably regret it.