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Dear Neurosis Advisor

I would like to be more like Koralleen on a Friday. Can you tell me how to do this?

First, you will need to have an annoying detail plaguing your every thought. For example, lose your pedometer a few days prior and decide that it must have fallen off in the car. Forget to search the car for it until you are, say, stuck in meetings or at home in the middle of the night, particularly during a violent electrical storm. By Friday, you should be appropriately frantic.

Try to spend the morning working on a fussy project. It is important to have a good number of people interrupt you with complaints along the lines of "my email inbox is 92% full" or "I think my wife's computer has a virus" and--include at least one of these or you may as well not bother at all--"I can't sync my Blackberry with the campus calendar." Refer them to the appropriate helpdesk and act surprised when each person tells you that they've already asked there.

Need to use the restroom. Each time you attempt to do so, find it occupied, turn around and leave. You do not like to pee or, worse yet, poo with a buddy, especially one you may know and work with. Have this happen SIX TIMES in one morning.

Early in the day, click the "I HAVE MAILED THIS BOOK" button (twice) for two paperbackswap.com books. This is a lie, because they are both still sitting on your desk. Worry about this until lunchtime.

At lunchtime, check your car for the damned pedometer. It's not there, but you can collect several bags of crap deposited over the past four days since Christopher's been driving it. Marvel at the sheer volume, toss it in the dumpster. Go back to your office and order a new pedometer from Amazon. Go to the restroom and meet Theresa on the way in. Pretend you just stopped by to wash your hands. That's SEVEN, since you keep track of stuff like that.

Stop by Chevy Chase bank to use the free change counter there. Now you have money for the weekend, woohoo. Go to the post office, it's ok because you know the round-trip mileage. On the way back, stop in the Lee Building to use their restroom. Watch in horror as a girl goes in just before you do. You don't think you know her, but you're not very good with faces and there's no need to risk it. Continue down the hall and walk downstairs, then back up the hall. Yay! A nice empty bathroom with manual flush toilets. Your favorite!

Walk back to your office and get back to your fussy project. An acceptable alternative would be to record an lj entry while sitting on hold with a vendor.

Enjoy your Friday!

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